Marriage is SO much more than a piece of paper.

A few months ago my husband and I were sitting in the garage having a deep about something (I can’t even remember what exactly) and we had complete opposite opinions on the topic. We are both very opinionated and stand behind our opinions. He looked at me and said, “Are we ever going to agree on anything?” I responded with, “We never have.”

My husband and I should have never made it as far as we have as a couple. When our journey first began, it should have been over before it even started. Never were trust issues crossed or anything of that sort but our lifestyles and personalities were completely opposite of each other. I was a 21 year old single mother and he was a 28 year old bar owner. Single moms and bars don’t really mix. As you might of guessed from him once owning a bar, he enjoyed the bar life very much. Love is a very strange thing because I remember feeling like our relationship was a disaster waiting to happen, but I also remember feeling that he was going to have a big impact on my life. I fell so madly in love with him but for the first few years, we kept our relationship very slow and separate. I always put the kids first and only saw him a few times a week, when I didn’t have my kids. But it worked for us and I knew that I had to be patient. And then after a few years I wanted more. I wanted him to come over to my house when my kids were there. I wanted him to spend most Saturdays with us, I wanted to start talking about our future… he wasn’t ready for it. I call what I did next, “breaking my own heart.” A huge part of me wanting to keep things going how they were if that meant he’d be in my life but I knew that wouldn’t be the love I was looking for. That wouldn’t of made me happy. So, I ended it and shattered my own heart. The pain I felt over the next six months were torture. I tried everything I could to keep him off my mind. I worked a lot, went to school, kept busy with doing things with the kids, I even tried to date someone new. Nothing kept him from crossing my mind. I would even dream of him often, that was the mot torture. And then we decided to try again. At first I didn’t want to, I was afraid of what the outcome would be. But, I followed my heart. My very broken, confused heart was faintly telling me to go in his direction. Even through the moving in together, being engaged, and now married it still hasn’t always been easy. I know we have both said things that we regret over the years. And we very well might say not so nice things in the years to come.

Before we got married I did a lot of self reflection. I wanted to be the perfect wife for him. I think a lot of times in relationships, we are so fast to point fingers. We fail to realize that we may need to make changes to ourselves as well. I used to have a bad habit of getting the most snotty attitude towards my husband when he upset me and in turn, he would play right along with me because he’s stubborn as hell. I am also stubborn so this would make for a very tense few days. We kept struggling and struggling with this and we knew something had to change. Taking that time to self reflect helped me to understand a lot about my role in our relationship. He deserved to be just as happy as me and because we are so opposite, we have to make a lot of compromises. If I would expect my wants and needs to always be the top the priority in our marriage, neither of us would make the other happy. I would constantly be let down, he would constantly be frustrated. to me it seemed simple, he needed to be a certain way and I would be happy. But being that certain way would not make him happy. If he was the only one compromising to make me happy, how could I truly be happy knowing that he is not? Even though we are such opposites, our compromising always makes us happy. I can not stress compromise enough for any relationship. Even when we are in a heated debate, it’s no big deal that we don’t agree because we are each who we are and we respect that. Learning to accept someone as they completely are and learning to compromise has led me to the greatest love that I could ever ask for.

My husband is not a writer, reader, painter, or empathic like myself but… Tim, if you ever do stubble onto my blog I hope that you have read this one.

When I think about our future, I am confident that you and I will make it all the way to the end. When I look back at how far we have come since the beginning, I know that there is nothing that could ever shake my trust in you or my need for you. I hope you know that every day I am reminded of your sacrifices that you’ve made, the changes that you’ve made, and the dedication that you have for the kids and I. All I have ever wanted since I was a child was to one day have the family that I always wanted and you have made that dream come true. Some days I am overwhelmed at the life that I get to live with you. I could not ask for more and I have no idea how I got so lucky. You are the missing the missing piece of my heart that has filled so much emptiness. Eyes do not change and sometimes when I look into your green ones I get flash backs to the first time I saw them. I know 20,30,40 years from now I will still see that sparkle in your eye that you only have for me. Thank you for loving me, fixing me, accepting me, motivating me, caring about me. Thank you for never getting upset over the mess my arts and crafts make even though I know messes drive you crazy. Thank you for not always laughing at my corny jokes because most times your “that was lame” faces make me laugh harder than my joke, thank you for never asking if “I’m ready yet” because you already know that I’m never on time, thank you for always taking care of the kids when I’m sick, thank you for never telling me I’m being too emotional over the kids, thank you for acting like your interested when I want to gossip, thank you for never leaving me in crowds because you know I get anxious. Thank you for everything and thank you for being you. Even though you are nothing like me, I think you are absolutely perfect.

I’m so glad I brought you that pizza dip.

 

The Cure fore Bullying is to be Kind

bul·ly
ˈbo͝olē/
noun
noun: bully; plural noun: bullies
1. a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

verb
verb: bully; 3rd person present: bullies; past tense: bullied; past participle: bullied; gerund or present participle: bullying
1. use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

Suicide the 3rd leading cause for death between 12-24 year olds, it is estimated that 4,400 of those suicides each year are because of bullying. FOUR THOUSAND AND FOUR HUNDRED 12-24 year olds a year kill themselves because they are bullied to a point of giving up. That is 8,800 parents forced to bury their child because people were so insanely cruel to them. That is 4,400 children that experienced so much pain because of other human beings that they felt better off dead. This is an issue. This should not be happening.

Bullying happens to all ages but teens are not as mentally mature as adults to handle the bullying and heartache and all of the stress it brings. They also are not mature enough to process some of their choices before they make them. This is what makes suicide one of the top three leading causes of death for them. And what makes it worse is that with social media, the bullying is just following them home. Cyber bullying is very real and can be more damaging than physical bullying. As parents, we need to be aware and educated. The scariest part is that some kinds it can be impossible to see any signs

My son came home from school one day and said this boy was really mean to him. I asked what happened and he said that he was sitting at the lunch table and the boy came up and told him to move because my son was in his seat. My son said he didn’t say anything and just scooted down so the boy could fit. My son said the boy sat down, got close to his and said, “you’re face is so ugly.” My son is my sensitive child. He’s very shy and gets anxiety easy. When he told me this (God forgive me) but I have never wanted to punch a child in the face before. I’m sorry, that is horrible but how dare he talk to my child like this. I work very hard to build my children up with confidence, I hate that someone might have the power to tare it down. My son and I talked about it and decided I should call the school about the boy and my son hasn’t been bothered since.

Communication with your children will be your strongest weapon as parents against bullying. Start as early as possible. They need to have a safe place and that should be home. It is our job as parents to talk to them and find a way to get them to tell us how they are feeling. Talk to them about their day. My family and I do a best/worst part of our day at the dinner table. We take turns and say the best part of our day and the worst part of our day. I have found out a lot from my kids doing this! I also believe it builds trust and let’s my children know I care, because I listen. Listening for cues of something being wrong or a sudden change, could give you a hint into something. I think starting this young and being consistent with it, will follow them to the teen years.

Watch for signs. As great of a relationship that I have with my son, I fear that one day he might not come to me. Not because he doesn’t trust me or feel like I could help him but because he does not like to address things that give him anxiety.  For example, he hates to talk about the dentist or doctor because he is terrified of him. He would rather ignore it and pretend they don’t exist. With that being said, I know I will probably have to watch a little closer as he gets older because he may not be opening up to anyone about things that really give him stress. Some signs to watch for would be change in appetite, mood swings, loss of interests of things they love, withdrawn. Don’t get me wrong, you could have your child under a microscope and still miss signs, it might happen. That is no ones fault. What really matters is the steps you’re making to try and catch these things.

This topic makes me so emotional because I find it so easy to be kind, why is it so hard for some? We cant seem to end bullying and the answer is so simple, be kind. We don’t need funding or chemistry to find a cure, kindness is free. Think before you say something degrading to someone, think before you comment on a post bashing someone, thin about the person’s feelings before you make a joke about them. It feels good to be the good in the world, I promise. Take a moment to reflect on yourself and the example you’re setting for your kids. Would you want someone to say to your kids what you have said to others? Are you a bully?

Are you a husband that calls his wife names when you get into an argument? Are you in management and use your power to intimidate your employees to be better? Do you leave comments on social media that are degrading and mean to other people? Do you share images on Facebook that are intended to be humorous at someone else’s expense? Those are bullies. So many people would claim to be against bullying but are indeed bullies themselves. We tend to justify our actions because we feel that specific person deserved it or “did it to themselves.” STOP. This is bullying. Stop being a bully. There is no justification to tare another human being down, no matter how much you think they deserve it. There is a complete difference in standing up for your beliefs and being mean. People should be allowed to disagree or have different opinions and not be bullied because of it.

BE THE GOOD IN THE WORLD. Stop letting your pride and ego turn you into a bully. I wish I could scream this so you all could hear me, BE KIND. Always be kind. BE KIND. Even when the world doesn’t deserve it, still be kind. Do it for yourself and especially do it if you have small children watching you. It’s the only way we can create a more compassionate future.

How do you teach your kids to handle bullying? Have you ever been bullied? Leave a comment, I would love to hear it. #thecureforbullyingistobekind

 

 

I still cry about my mom but no one really knows

I’m honestly nervous to post this. I have never opened up this much in a blog post. This goes relatively deep into my wounds, I shed a lot of tearing pushing through these paragraphs. Thank you for wanting to read my story and I hope someone who can relate will find comfort in my words.

When I was, maybe 4 or 5, I had a repetitive dream. In this dream, my brother and I were playing in this immense building that was full of semi trucks. A huge garage lined with semi trucks. As we were running we found a bomb. We saw that the bomb had very little time until it would explode, so we took. We ran as fast as we could and pushed the back doors to the building open, ran up a tall hill covered in bright green grass and we laid on our stomachs, ready to watch the building explode. We were so excited, giggling and getting comfortable with our heads being propped up by our elbows. We started to count down together and then we saw our mom. She seemed to be injured because she was limping very slowly out of the back doors of the garage. My brother started screaming for her to run and hurry. I kept counting, fearing to make my way from ten to one. The building exploded and the flames swallowed her whole. I couldn’t see my mom anymore. I knew she was dead.

This dream still fucking haunts me to this day. I remember the first time that I had it, I just out of bed, ran into my parents room and snugged right up next to her. It terrified me to think of losing the woman I loved so much. She was God to me. Now that I am an adult, the dream kind of pisses me off. The best way that I can explain it is that I wanted the dream to be wrong. I never wanted to actually feel the loss of my mother.

I don’t always “feel” the loss of my mother. Sometimes I don’t even know how I’ve get here. How did my mom slip into my thoughts? My thoughts become so saturated and heavy that I almost want to explode. Some times I hide it by crying in the shower. It doesn’t make me feel as guilty, almost as if the water is washing my thoughts away before they stick to my skin.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think about her constantly or dwell on everything that happened by any means. But sometimes something will cause her to cross my mind. I mean, she’s my mom, I’ll always wish I had what never was.

I have an older brother. It infuriates me to even say this but he was a little less fortunate than me. My father’s mother took custody of me and he was left with our cracked out mother living in her drug dealer’s house. Why didn’t anyone take him? I was 12 or 13 so I understood but I didn’t understand the full picture. There was no one biologically that could take my brother. My mom wouldn’t let them. Bullshit. Someone should have went to court and fought for him. He was worth fighting for.

So many things went wrong for me growing up. I lost contact with my brother. I’d talk to him every few years.

My first car was an old Chevy Lumina. I hadn’t really talked to my brother but I knew he didn’t have a car so when I turned 18 I bought a Pontiac Alero. I called my brother that he could have it free of charge, I wanted him to have something to drive. He was beyond grateful. Before I drove it over and dropped it off, I stuck a 20 dollar bill in the ash tray with a note that said, “If you ever need a little extra gas.” I never really was able to stay in contact much after that. I spent a few years begging for him to be apart of mine and the kids family but he wasn’t ready. The sting was still running deep for him. I saw him for the first time in about 4 years on my daughter’s 5th birthday. She will be 6 in March so we are coming up on a year of consistent contact. I married my husband last August and my brother was there to witness it. I finally got to ask him if he ever found that 20 dollar bill in that ash tray.

My brother and I have not talked too much about my mom. He did have a few drinks one night and open up a lot about how there are still demons trying to haunt him. As he explained how he had and had felt and the aftermaths of it, I could completely relate. I, too, struggled the same way he has. It made me feel a little less crazy. That’s the thing about siblings, they are usually the only ones who can exactly relate to the growing pains of childhood. You go through everything together.

What my brother and I went through shaped us a lot.

I use it as my drive to be an amazing mother. I’m by no means perfect but I know I try my hardest to be everything for my kids and that makes these years the best years of my life. They are the first solid family that I have ever had, the first people to make me feel like the most important thing in the world. They unconditionally love me so much, I could never leave them or lose them. I am going to be such a happy memory of each of their childhoods and I am so proud of that. They will bring my grandchildren over on holidays. My daughter will call when she needs help cooking something. My son will call to tell me about his new career offer. They will be by my side when I take my last breath. My mother had a rough childhood that she passed on to me but the cycle stops here.

I have a hard time getting close to people. I keep everyone at arms length because I feel that everyone will only let me down or maybe I don’t really belong. It’s really difficult to really explain this one. A part of me almost feels that something must be different about me because the one person design to love me no matter what, chose drugs over me. Am I that worthless? I know that I’m not but I struggle with this. I so badly want to feel like I matter to someone other than my kids but I don’t want to let anyone to close to me either. My husband and I struggle with this, neither of us being at fault. I am a romantic, poet type of lover and he is more prim and proper, no PDA type of lover. Which is fine. I have learned that the way I need loves isn’t the same way he needs loved. I want him to occasionally remind me that I so blessed. He’s absolutely wonderful but no one is perfect. And I’m sure my extra emotional baggage can feel heavy sometimes. But him and my children fix me, I need that from him.

I am very compassionate. My brother actually told me quote from a physiatrist at a university. It was along the lines of saying to have true compassion for others and the world, you have to know that there are bad things out there. Some things that I witnessed with my mother, I will take to my grave because talking about them are not worth remembering the pain. I’ve witnessed the demons that can take over a family, I’ve stood face to face with it. And once it touches you, the scent never leaves your skin. I don’t wish my pain on anyone and I wish I could take away all of the pain in the world. I know darkness, therefore, I try as hard as I can to be the light.

Those are probably the biggest things that result from my childhood. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to forget everything. It’s just so painful to not have a mom. I feel empty in some places. I do feel with time I will accept these empty spaces, I just don’t think I’ll ever fully understand.

When my mother was about 32 or 33, not long after my grandmother took custody of me, my mother had a few medical problems. She was in prison and she had a stroke. She fell and hit her head and that set off a brain aneurysm. She loss her short term memory. I remember my grandma telling me about what happen and then taking me to see her. Half of her head was shaved and she had staples in her head. Every 10 minuets or so she would say, “So, Erica, what have you been doing?!” At first I didn’t understand and I would repeat myself to her and then I gave up. She was gone for good this time. It was excruciating to watch the mother who was once everything to me, disappear.

My mother is still very much alive but I have no contact with her. I don’t know her and she can’t remember much. I’ll never be able to get her point of view to try to understand why she became who she was. It is as if she is dead to me, the mother I once had it anyways.

And that shit hurts.

I have worked really hard on these set backs to use them as my motivation but I accept that I will probably just never be whole. And maybe that’s okay because I love very deeply and I fight really hard for what I believe in.

New Years Resolutions, 2k18

Happy New Year, Everyone!!! We are already on day three of 2018. It’s already been a blur.

When I think of New Years I think of resolutions. Obviously, the every day stress will follow me from 2017 and 2018. But resolutions are a great way to reflect on the downsides of the previous year and the high times of the previous year. I can’t control everything but I can control who I am and how I react to the uncontrollably. Each year I like to reflect and revaluate what I want to accomplish, regardless of what it is.

Basically, resolutions are great. They give us a sense of a fresh start and fresh starting points. Every goal has a starting point and various ending points. They can not always be defined in a year. Reflection helps give those resolutions a bigger purpose. Progress is what matters.

I have my obvious resolutions such as eat healthier, work out more, get more sleep (never gonna happen). But I have a lot more passionate ones that I put a lot more thought into.

Here they are.

Be a better mother. This is one that I don’t think will ever leave the list. I am confident when I say that I’m a great mom but I’m not sure I’ll ever be good enough for my kids. Each year I hope to give them just a little more patience and a lot more love than I did the year before. My goal is to raise compassionate, intelligent adults. I want them to be the good in the world but I also want them to know reality and discipline. It’s a lot of pressure from one year to the next.

Change the world. This is another one that I think will be on her for awhile. I, obviously, want to continue to be kind and compassionate. I want to always find a way to be a positive moment in every ones day. Each year I want to find a way to contribute a little more to making this world a better place. I am not naïve enough to think I can single handily change the whole planet but I do believe I can make a small difference in someone’s life which in turn could change their own outlook of the world.

Be a better person in general. I know that my body is a lot smaller than the size of my heart. All of my intentions are good and my selflessness is endless but I do struggle with becoming detached from people and basically going MIA. I have an undying need for space and to keep to myself. It sounds harmless, but I have some very important people who deserve to hear from me on almost an every day basis. I try each year to improve this and give the people I love what they deserve.

Be a good wife. I was just married in August 2017 so this is a fresh one to my list. I am taking being a wife very seriously, I’m very old school romantic so I except myself to tend to my husband a lot. Ironically, my husband expects nothing from me but always appreciates everything I do. That is just an added bonus and motivates me more to be everything for my husband.

Be true to myself. I have struggled with this one for a very long time but I do feel that I’m getting better. It’s not that I ever tried to be someone that I wasn’t but I often will sacrifice my own happiness and energy to make someone else happy. The older that I get, the more I value how I spend my time and invest my energy in. Life is too short to be anything but unhappy. With that being said, it makes me VERY happy to make other people happy. I’ll always be a giver but I am finding that it’s okay to give back to myself sometimes.

Be a writer. I remember writing a book report in the fourth grade about, The Black Stallion by Walter Farley. I was excited to read the book and I was excited to write about it. I remember taking time to really craft my openings so I knew who ever read this would want to read more. I turned it into my teacher and she was blow away at my use of words and how I wrote. That started it for me. I fell head over heels in love with writing. All through school and college I had teachers compliment my writing in some way. I loved every English class and always looked forward to them. At a very young age I started keeping notebooks with poems and songs written in them. I had notebooks with pages full of my writing. Whichever notebook I was currently writing in, always came with me. I’d have a burst of inspiration and I’d start writing no matter where I was. I never fully believed in myself though. I didn’t see it as something I could be successful at. And then one day I thought, “why not?” My dream is to write children’s book and eventually a few fiction novels. I hope to one day publish a book that keeps being read long after I am gone. To know my words could leave an impression on so many people for so many years to come gives me all of the feels. That is my dream. Will that goal be reached in 2018? Probably not but by the end of the year, I will have made PROGRESS. Each year it becomes more important to me.

I’m always so disappoint when I see people talk negatively about resolutions. Sometimes it takes people a few times of trying before they gather their strength to truly commit. Be support and kind to people. As the saying goes, fall down seven and stand up eight.

To all of my readers, I hope you find inspiration from me in some way from reading my post. It’s New Year. If you want a new you, go for it! Maybe you won’t crush your goals this year but you will be a little closer to crushing it.

XOXO

 

This Mom’s Beauty Survival Guide!

Some days I wake up, look in the mirror and I hardly recognize myself.

Who is this woman staring back at me and where did I go?

I am starting to see lines that were not there before, my eyes tend to look like I haven’t slept in weeks and my skin can be dull.

This is completely normal, my fellow mamas. Being a mother means less sleep and less time to take care of yourself, especially in those first few crazy years of motherhood. You can’t even go to the bathroom by yourself let alone take some time to get a facial

Let me that with any beauty product, it times take and consistency. If you take my advice and use any of my beauty hacks, you will have to b e consistent and patience. But we are moms so patience is our thing, right? Ha! And its always best to try to prevent wrinkles because that it much easier then waiting for them to appear.

Every morning and night I take 15 minutes to myself to take care of me. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is way easier said then done. Some mornings I have to lock myself in the bathroom in order to fix myself all while hearing little taps on the door followed by, “mommy, are you almost done?” Oy vey. Gotta love motherhood!

Lets begin with the mornings. Typically I set my alarm for a few hours before my children wake up so I can get their bookbags ready, pack lunches, mentally prepare for the morning battle of what my daughter wants to wear to school, enjoy a few cups of coffee, and finally, do my morning skin care routine.

(By the way, the best part of this list is that it is all affordable because I am as cheap as they come. I also have provided links to take you directly to them on amazon so you do not have to do any of your own searching. Just click the products picture! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Amazon Prime?!)

Let me start by saying that I have spent ALOT of money at Ulta and Sephora trying to be amazed by face wash. I have combination skin so I get oily and I get dry. When I started to look for something to combat wrinkles, I said screw it and bought a local name brand, Loreal RevitaLyft, and let me tell you it works wonders. I love what it has done for my skin. It has evened out my completion and really gave my skin a good lift. I’m a customer for life now.

A good moisturizer will do wonders for you! Kate Sommerville Glow moisturizer really lifts me up in the morning. It add a simple sparkle to my skin that I really need to feel alive when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I have tried several things from her line and I must say I am impressed. Unfortunately, her products are far too expensive for me to splur on too often.

I am going to be completely upfront with this next beauty hack. It may look a little intimidating but it is truly a god send! It’s called a derma roller and it really helps to keep your skin plump. I also love how it adds a flushed color to my cheeks. I, personally, have a high pain tolerance so rolling this over my cheeks every other morning works fine for me.  Lips, now that’s another story, OUCH. I put a little numbing cream on my lips if I want to give them a good roll over.

the derma roller works by puncturing the skin signaling to your collagen that it needs to repair itself. I can not speak highly enough about this product. It comes in different sizes so you will have to customize what fits your needs most. I use the .25.

Below is another must have of mine and may not be too heard of! I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS LITTLE PIECE OF MAGIC! It is a high frequency facial machine. It works against wrinkles, scars and keeps skin plump. It can even help hair grow! I use this after I layer my moisturizer on so I can glide it around my face with ease. This one looks a little scary as well but rest assure its very simple! I especially love to use this in the morning when my eyes look a little puffy.

I use the below product at night around my eyes. I can say that I have zero crows feet (yet)and I believe I owe a lot of it too this product. It also nourishes my eyelashes well so they are strong and healthy for mascara. It’s too thick and oily to wear during the day so this is a strict night time product. I put a small dap on my fingertips and rub around my eyes in a circular motion. One bottle lasts a long time! This budget mama likes that.

Loreal Revital Lift, we meet again. I LOVE the night time cream by their line. I may be getting a little too excited when I say this but I look forward to what my skin looks like when I wake up. If I stumble to bed without rubbing this all over my face, I avoid the mirror in the morning. HA! But seriously, it has retinol in it which is amazing to fight wrinkles with. I’m pretty much sold that anything from this line with not let me down.

Now we have come to my last go to beauty product. First Aid Beauty (who will always have a soft spot in my heart) has an AMAZING moisturizer. I use this at night and it is amazing for the winter when dry skin creeps up on you. First Aid Beauty has a great skin care line for those with extra sensitive skin. I first stumbled across their line when I was pregnant with my daughter and all of a sudden everything made my skin burn like it was on fire. No, seriously, my skin literally felt like it was burning off of my face no matter what I put on it. I had many times of standing in front of the freezer rubbing ice cubes on my face while tears ran down my face.

And there you have it! These are my MUST haves for my skin. And I am loving the results! The last few months I have pushed myself to be consistent and my skin looks better than ever. Do you see any products on my list that you would want to try? Be sure to let me know.

Also, I can not seem to find a sunscreen that I can fall in love with. Any recommendations? We all know how important sun protection is and trust me, I take it seriously especially that I am getting older. My problem is though, most of them make my skin look oily. I HATE THAT. So please, send some screens that you love my way. Maybe it will make it onto my next list 🙂

Every day, give your kids the best of you.

I have had days that I drag me feet through the front door, taking deep breaths. I will drastically try to scrap up the few drops of energy I have because behind that front door are two needy little kids who deserve the best of me. And when I say “needy,” yes I mean needy as in, always hungry and always wanting to show me something, always asking for this, ect ect. But I also mean needy as in they crave my time and attention. They depend on me to praise them and spend time with them doing things they genuinely love. And when I have had those bad days where I am just exhausted and every part of me is just defeated, I try to remember that it is not my kids problem. My problems ate not their problems.

We all have problems and we all have those days were you are just done and if you say that you don’t, I might very politely say that you are a liar. Everyone has them!

Again, not my kids problem or even anyone else’s problem. Just because I have had a bad day, does not mean that I will ever force my negative energy onto you. I promise to offer you a warm smile and polite small talk. I will find those hidden drops of energy and offer it to you, no matter how exhausting and awful my day was. Those are the little things that are huge things for our world. And I truly try to give that kind energy to everyone I cross paths with. I especially want my children to radiate this positive energy to the world as well.

But i slip sometimes. I get grumpy, moody, bitchy, ect ect. But when it comes to my kids, I would shoot myself with adrenaline if I had to in order to give them the best of me. It is so important to me that I let my children always see me happy and full of life. When I am happy and interacting with them, And to really know I am listening to them when they tell me about their thoughts and questions they have collected for me throughout the day. For example, my son loves it when I play with all of his actions figures with him. He gathers all of them up, from the joker to a dragon and makes a story with all of these  characters. We improvise and I just love it. He really opens up and we laugh and imagine together. And my daughter could just lay with me for hours and hours just talking. She brings up everything from her baby dolls to the little things she did all day. She always tells her stories in the most intellect ways. Sometimes she leaves me thinking, “What?” And I mean that in the lightest way possible. She is perfect.

Some days are so much harder than others. Some nights I go to bed wishing I had played a little longer or I’ll get hit with the sting of guilty because I felt relieved that it was bedtime. I need to remember that I am trying and feeling this way is actually my subconscious telling me that I care about my kids so much.

5 Important Things I Want My Son To Remember

My children will grow up and venture into the world without me one day. As much as I would love to wrap my arms around their feet, kicking and screaming as they try to venture off without me, but I know as a mother I can’t do that. I have to let my peacocks fly. Wait… you get the point.

The tender years that we do get to drill core values and morals into out children are crucial. Do not let you kid be that jerk in the world. Over my dead body.  Here is a list of 5 things that I truly hope my son always carries with him.

1. ALWAYS TREAT EVERYONE WITH KINDESS AND EQUALITY.

I can not stress this enough. Blood runs through everyone’s veins and no one’s blood has gold flakes in them, at least not naturally. We all have our own demons that we are facing and most of us are trying our best. From the janitor at your school to the CEO of your job, off the same kindest and respect. Be that light in someone’s life. People can love whoever they want and no one can help the color of their skin. Be kind to them and remember that no race, gender, gender identify, or anything makes anyone less deserving then anyone else.

2. NEVER LOOK DOWN ON SOMEONE UNLESS YOU’RE HELPING THEM UP

Give the benefit of the doubt, forgive people when they mess up, and try not to judge. Some days will be easier than others but if you can make this a 90/10 balance in your life then you are doing a good job. Absolutely no one is perfect, try to remember that.

3. THE COMPANY YOU KEEP WILL DEFINE YOU

Unfortunately, the saying is true that you are who your friends are. Try to surround yourself with good people, know the pact you run with. This will be challenging because people change and sometimes people lie. I am not asking you to turn your cheek to the bad apples, I am asking you to always stay true to yourself and make sure your feet are planted to the ground.

4. YOUR DREAMS ARE NEVER TOO BIG

I am not saying this because I am you mother, I am saying this because I truly believe this. If you have a dream, do not listen to anyone who says you can not reach it. Listen to the people who tell you it’s going to be hard work but if you’re up for the challenge and dedication, any dream can come true.

5. TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

So many things in life go unsaid and I can only imagine the amount of guilt that people have felt on there death beds because of this. If you fall in love, tell the girl. If you think someone’s shoes are cool, tell them. Communication will get you noticed and people will respect you for it. You are more than a stereotype, break down the walls that confine you.

 

I see these qualities in my son everyday and it is my job as his mother to keep instilling them in him until they stick. He will move mountains one day and I am so happy that I get a front row seat to watch him.