A few months ago my husband and I were sitting in the garage having a deep about something (I can’t even remember what exactly) and we had complete opposite opinions on the topic. We are both very opinionated and stand behind our opinions. He looked at me and said, “Are we ever going to agree on anything?” I responded with, “We never have.”
My husband and I should have never made it as far as we have as a couple. When our journey first began, it should have been over before it even started. Never were trust issues crossed or anything of that sort but our lifestyles and personalities were completely opposite of each other. I was a 21 year old single mother and he was a 28 year old bar owner. Single moms and bars don’t really mix. As you might of guessed from him once owning a bar, he enjoyed the bar life very much. Love is a very strange thing because I remember feeling like our relationship was a disaster waiting to happen, but I also remember feeling that he was going to have a big impact on my life. I fell so madly in love with him but for the first few years, we kept our relationship very slow and separate. I always put the kids first and only saw him a few times a week, when I didn’t have my kids. But it worked for us and I knew that I had to be patient. And then after a few years I wanted more. I wanted him to come over to my house when my kids were there. I wanted him to spend most Saturdays with us, I wanted to start talking about our future… he wasn’t ready for it. I call what I did next, “breaking my own heart.” A huge part of me wanting to keep things going how they were if that meant he’d be in my life but I knew that wouldn’t be the love I was looking for. That wouldn’t of made me happy. So, I ended it and shattered my own heart. The pain I felt over the next six months were torture. I tried everything I could to keep him off my mind. I worked a lot, went to school, kept busy with doing things with the kids, I even tried to date someone new. Nothing kept him from crossing my mind. I would even dream of him often, that was the mot torture. And then we decided to try again. At first I didn’t want to, I was afraid of what the outcome would be. But, I followed my heart. My very broken, confused heart was faintly telling me to go in his direction. Even through the moving in together, being engaged, and now married it still hasn’t always been easy. I know we have both said things that we regret over the years. And we very well might say not so nice things in the years to come.
Before we got married I did a lot of self reflection. I wanted to be the perfect wife for him. I think a lot of times in relationships, we are so fast to point fingers. We fail to realize that we may need to make changes to ourselves as well. I used to have a bad habit of getting the most snotty attitude towards my husband when he upset me and in turn, he would play right along with me because he’s stubborn as hell. I am also stubborn so this would make for a very tense few days. We kept struggling and struggling with this and we knew something had to change. Taking that time to self reflect helped me to understand a lot about my role in our relationship. He deserved to be just as happy as me and because we are so opposite, we have to make a lot of compromises. If I would expect my wants and needs to always be the top the priority in our marriage, neither of us would make the other happy. I would constantly be let down, he would constantly be frustrated. to me it seemed simple, he needed to be a certain way and I would be happy. But being that certain way would not make him happy. If he was the only one compromising to make me happy, how could I truly be happy knowing that he is not? Even though we are such opposites, our compromising always makes us happy. I can not stress compromise enough for any relationship. Even when we are in a heated debate, it’s no big deal that we don’t agree because we are each who we are and we respect that. Learning to accept someone as they completely are and learning to compromise has led me to the greatest love that I could ever ask for.
My husband is not a writer, reader, painter, or empathic like myself but… Tim, if you ever do stubble onto my blog I hope that you have read this one.
When I think about our future, I am confident that you and I will make it all the way to the end. When I look back at how far we have come since the beginning, I know that there is nothing that could ever shake my trust in you or my need for you. I hope you know that every day I am reminded of your sacrifices that you’ve made, the changes that you’ve made, and the dedication that you have for the kids and I. All I have ever wanted since I was a child was to one day have the family that I always wanted and you have made that dream come true. Some days I am overwhelmed at the life that I get to live with you. I could not ask for more and I have no idea how I got so lucky. You are the missing the missing piece of my heart that has filled so much emptiness. Eyes do not change and sometimes when I look into your green ones I get flash backs to the first time I saw them. I know 20,30,40 years from now I will still see that sparkle in your eye that you only have for me. Thank you for loving me, fixing me, accepting me, motivating me, caring about me. Thank you for never getting upset over the mess my arts and crafts make even though I know messes drive you crazy. Thank you for not always laughing at my corny jokes because most times your “that was lame” faces make me laugh harder than my joke, thank you for never asking if “I’m ready yet” because you already know that I’m never on time, thank you for always taking care of the kids when I’m sick, thank you for never telling me I’m being too emotional over the kids, thank you for acting like your interested when I want to gossip, thank you for never leaving me in crowds because you know I get anxious. Thank you for everything and thank you for being you. Even though you are nothing like me, I think you are absolutely perfect.
I’m so glad I brought you that pizza dip.