I have had days that I drag me feet through the front door, taking deep breaths. I will drastically try to scrap up the few drops of energy I have because behind that front door are two needy little kids who deserve the best of me. And when I say “needy,” yes I mean needy as in, always hungry and always wanting to show me something, always asking for this, ect ect. But I also mean needy as in they crave my time and attention. They depend on me to praise them and spend time with them doing things they genuinely love. And when I have had those bad days where I am just exhausted and every part of me is just defeated, I try to remember that it is not my kids problem. My problems ate not their problems.
We all have problems and we all have those days were you are just done and if you say that you don’t, I might very politely say that you are a liar. Everyone has them!
Again, not my kids problem or even anyone else’s problem. Just because I have had a bad day, does not mean that I will ever force my negative energy onto you. I promise to offer you a warm smile and polite small talk. I will find those hidden drops of energy and offer it to you, no matter how exhausting and awful my day was. Those are the little things that are huge things for our world. And I truly try to give that kind energy to everyone I cross paths with. I especially want my children to radiate this positive energy to the world as well.
But i slip sometimes. I get grumpy, moody, bitchy, ect ect. But when it comes to my kids, I would shoot myself with adrenaline if I had to in order to give them the best of me. It is so important to me that I let my children always see me happy and full of life. When I am happy and interacting with them, And to really know I am listening to them when they tell me about their thoughts and questions they have collected for me throughout the day. For example, my son loves it when I play with all of his actions figures with him. He gathers all of them up, from the joker to a dragon and makes a story with all of these characters. We improvise and I just love it. He really opens up and we laugh and imagine together. And my daughter could just lay with me for hours and hours just talking. She brings up everything from her baby dolls to the little things she did all day. She always tells her stories in the most intellect ways. Sometimes she leaves me thinking, “What?” And I mean that in the lightest way possible. She is perfect.
Some days are so much harder than others. Some nights I go to bed wishing I had played a little longer or I’ll get hit with the sting of guilty because I felt relieved that it was bedtime. I need to remember that I am trying and feeling this way is actually my subconscious telling me that I care about my kids so much.