I feel like my time with my children is like a rope that is being pulled away from me. As if one day someone picked up the other end and slowly started taking my slack away. I scrambled to get a grip again but it keeps pulling away, just like time.
Tim is a cruel thing. It will not pause when you need a moment to catch your breath. It will not slow down when feel like days have turned into hours. It will not rewind so you can enjoy a moment again.
And that is what I try to remind myself. My time with my children is now and now only, the pressure to in hale everything gets to me sometimes. Some nights I catch myself lying in bed going over my yeare with them, especially as a birthday rolls in. Some nights when I catch myself doing this, I swear I’m insane. But is it possible to love your child too much? I think not. I want to remember everything, down to their scent as newborns.
But it’s hard. I am human and my data chip can not possibly remember everything. As my son approach 7, I feel so far away from his baby days. The feeling it gives me is so indescribable. I feel sad but I feel excited at the same time. For one, I’ve been momming for 7 years now, hey hey! But also because that’s 7 years of being with him. 7 whole years we’ve been side kicks. It makes me wanna stand up and tell the future to bring it. We got this. But it also saddens me that those years got away so fast. I know in the deepest corner of my heart that I would feel this way even if I spent every second of life with him since birth. I’ll never feel like our time together has been enough.
I wish that I had the magical words to make your kids growing up easier, but I don’t. I think it will always be bittersweet and that’s ok. That means you truly cherish your time with your kids.